Katie's Bat-Ball Tips

Bat-ball is perhaps the most enthralling, adrenaline-pumping, entertaining sport P.E. has to offer. Naaaawt. My friend Katie's wise words helps keep your energy output at a minimum and ensures a stress free bat-ball experience. I helped.

Infield

• Try to get out at first; hit it really lightly or run slow.
• Talk others into going before you by telling them they're good hitters or that "they always go before you- it's tradition!"
• Once you've sweet-talked them to bat, cheer and clap overenthusiastically to mock them.
• Use "But I already batted" as a last resort. It probably won't work, but it's worth a shot.

Outfield

• If the ball's coming toward you, just step out of its path.
• Don't catch it if it's coming directly at your face.
• If it goes over your head, it's not your responsibility.
• You don't need a shortstop.
• Clap when people on the offensive team miss the ball.
• Laugh when they get out.
• Never fail to point out a pickle.
• Direct a good portion of your attention to listening for the train; you'll hate yourself for the rest of the day if you miss it when it drives down to the left of the outfield.
• Subway sounds sooo good right now.